


New people bring new greetings (and pickup lines)

by Lilbug



Series: The 100 drabbles [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, bellamy and clarke are gay best friends, clarke recruits bellamy to be the condom placer, lexa is a new college kid, she decides to prank the hot blonde girl by breaking into her dorm and placing condoms on her bed, thats it thats literally the story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-26 04:09:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17738768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilbug/pseuds/Lilbug
Summary: Clarke finds a condom on her bed. Christmas colours. And, from her sources, it's apparently from Lexa Woods, local soccer champion and new kid.But, joke's on her, because Clarke has someone willing to bust down some doors to give Ms. Woods her own Christmas coloured condoms.That is, until Clarke decides to do it herself, and ends up getting caught in the act.





	New people bring new greetings (and pickup lines)

**Author's Note:**

> shfgh hello! my friend chose this prompt for me and i decided "why the fuck not whats the worst that could happen" and tbh i seriously like how this turned out ! its short but i thought it was kinda cute haha c:
> 
> i hope you enjoy!! c:

It's fucking green and red. It's striped. It's a Christmas coloured condom on her goddamn sheets. 

Clarke isn't sure whether she should laugh, cry, or go punch a hole in the wall. Her roomates, Octavia and Raven, hadn't been at the dorm for Christmas break. Clarke had been, considering her mother was away on a medical trip and her father died when she was about sixteen. So, she had decided to stay at her college dorm. Now, she isn't sure what she should do. Go tell security? No, what would she even  _say_? "Someone broke into my dorm and placed a singular, unused Christmas condom on my bed"?  _NO._ There's no way in hell she's doing that. She sighs instead, and calls her best friend, Bellamy Blake. 

"Hey, Clarke! How's your Chr-"

"Bellamy, someone put a Christmas coloured condom on my bed." Clarke states, deadpan as ever. There's a brief period of silence, before she can hear snickering on the other line. 

"Shut up, O," Bellamy breathes in, and Clarke can literally see him shaking his head. "Um, is Raven there?"

"Nope," Clarke pops the 'p' for emphasis. "No one but me. I'm pretty sure I'm like, the one person on campus." 

There's a pause. "Oh. What about that...Lexa girl? I know she stayed behind. I heard her talking on the phone in the library, about how she wouldn't be able to make it home," she kind of wants to question why he was eavesdropping, but she doesn't. "Maybe it was her." 

"Well, what do I even  _do_?" She huffs. "Do I just...pretend that she didn't break into my dorm, set a condom on my bed, and then  _leave_? I have her in like, three lectures, Bell. Do I just not mention it ever? What if it happens again? What if I'm eating fucking Cheerios, and a condom falls out of the box?" 

"That's really specific," Bellamy laughs. "Hey, I could always come over? I spent an entire year and a half putting condoms in Murphy's dorm because I had a crush on him. And then I started putting them everywhere else," Clarke can basically see him shrug. "I mean, I have a bunch of them left over. There were boxes full of them, and he brought them all over when I finally asked him out. Via condom." 

"Y'know what?" Clarke shakes her head, closing her eyes. "Fuck it. This means war." 

"That's the spirit, Griffin," somewhere, Clarke can hear Octavia whoop. "I'll be over by tomorrow, at latest. If it happens again, make sure to keep track of all of them. Are your windows locked?" She pauses, places the phone down, and checks the locks on her windows. "Clarke?" She ignores Bellamy's voice, until she's checked every single window. And every single window is unlocked. "Claaarke?" 

"Sorry. They're all unlocked." 

"Do you want her to keep getting in, or..." Bellamy trails off. "Maybe set a trap. A bear trap. Right outside each window." 

Clarke scoffs. "Raven probably would throw them at people she doesn't like. Octavia would pretend to be God and jump over them until she got trapped. My roommates would literally kill themselves on a plastic McDonald's spoon, Bell. You expect me to put up  _bear_ traps, and hope that they just don't get murdered?" Bellamy sighs, loudly, and she can't help but smile a bit. "But, no. I don't want her to get  _hurt_ , exactly. I just...don't know what to do. If it even is her. What if it's not, and we're just putting condoms in this new kid's room, for no reason?" 

"It's a good welcome to Arkadia," he reasons. "And plus, you've seen her. She's fit as fuck, Clarke. I've seen you drool," she narrows her eyes, even if he can't see her. "And, I bet she could make a harness out of them and ride a bear into class. And say nothing." 

"Accurate," she sighs. "Are you just going to break into her dorm or something? This is illegal, right?" 

"I mean," Clarke swears she can  _hear_ him grin. "Not if you don't get caught." 

"Murphy is rubbing off on you. Whatever. Alright, goodbye, Bell. Get your ass over here so we can conspire. Bye!"

"Yep, bye!" And then she clicks off of the call, and slumps down on her bed. Directly next to the condom. She turns her head, and stares at the thing. 

What the fuck. 

* * *

 Bellamy's fully dressed in black, and Clarke's pretty sure she's never laughed harder. "Wh- what are you  _wearing_?" She regains her posture, and gestures at the ridiculous outfit he has on. "What the fuck  _is_ that?" She grins, watching as Bellamy frowns. 

"It's called,  _being stealthy_." 

"Yeah, 'cause if I saw  _that_ in my room I'd totally not see you," she snarks at him. Bellamy just huffs, and crosses his arms. "Anyways, did you bring the...y'know.." Clarke trails off, making a gesture with her hands. 

"You're twenty something, and you still can't say the word  _condom_?" He raises an eyebrow, and Clarke glares at him. "And yes, I have the boxes of condoms," he nods down to the box in his hands. "You know what dorm she's in?" 

Clarke gives him the instructions, and decides to sit back and wait for her friend to return with good news. She leans back on her bed, letting her head thump against the wall as she sighs. She isn't even sure how she got into this situation, really. All she knows is that this new kid,  _maybe_ , put a condom on her bed, and now...they're in a war. Or, what  _will_ be a war. Bellamy doesn't stop until he's dead, thus why him and Murphy happen to be dating. Bellamy's stubborn - Lexa doesn't stand a chance against the Blake. Not a chance. Clarke determines that they're going to win, if Lexa continues to break into her dorm and put fucking condoms on her bed. 

When Bellamy comes back, he has a grin on his face and an empty box. "The deed is done." He announces. Cryptically. 

* * *

It's been about three days or so. 

Lexa has broken into Clarke's dorm more than fifty times, she's pretty sure. And Bellamy has done the exact same back. Turns out,  _condom wars_ are very violent and interactive. But, of course, Bellamy does have to go home eventually. So, Clarke decides that she should start doing it herself. It's Christmas, and she's already halfway through Lexa's window. Her legs reach the ground, and she slides in fairly easily. She takes the very first step into the dorm, and glances around the area, smiling. She hasn't really had the time to talk to Lexa, but when she  _has_ , the girl just winks at her. They don't see each other very often, minus the few times they go to the same coffee shop or something, but it's rare. So it's even better when Lexa makes it very obvious she knows that Clarke and Bellamy are the ones putting unopened condoms in her room. 

Clarke scans the area, a tiny tin can in her hands. She creeps forwards, stalking towards Lexa's room. She carefully opens the door, figuring the girl won't be there. 

Fuck. 

She's wrong. 

Super wrong. 

 _REALLY FUCKING WRONG_. 

There she is, black hoodie and something in her hands, staring directly at Clarke. She panics. She stays still, refusing to look away. Or move. Or breathe. Or do anything. What the fuck do you even say? She blinks. Lexa blinks. Then, Lexa's face splits into a grin. Clarke isn't sure if that's a good thing or not, so she slowly swallows. Fuck. 

"I see someone has found their way into my room." The girl smirks, taking a slow step towards Clarke.  _SHIT_. 

"Um, your window was," she nods back towards the window she entered from. "Unlocked. Not very uh, safe. Y'know. You could get, um. Murdered." Clarke fumbles out. 

"Ah," Lexa shrugs. "I mean, you haven't murdered me yet, have you?" She raises an eyebrow, and Clarke finds herself  _really_ looking into her eyes. They're fucking gorgeous. "Did you get me a present?" She asks, placing her hands by her sides as she eyes the other with fairly happy eyes. "Or is that for someone else?" 

Clarke glances down at the tin. It's specifically labeled  _"WOODS' CONDOMS!",_ suggestion of Bellamy. She tilts the tin slightly, smirking back at Lexa. "Yeah. It's for you. Wanna open it?" 

"Oh, you first!" She grins, nodding towards a small, plastic container on her bed. "I made it especially for you." 

"It's not even wrapped, though," she mock-pouts, but crouches next to the bed, suddenly feeling very comfortable around this Lexa Woods. "Thank you," she starts, popping off the lid. "It's  _very_ thoughtful." 

"I thought you'd like it," Lexa smiles, making grabby-hands for her "present". "My turn?" 

"Your turn," Clarke confirms, placing the tin in her hands. "I put um, a lot of thought in it. Just for you." 

Lexa pops the lid off of the tin, her face exploding in what seems like actual happiness. She grins over at Clarke, and pulls out a single, unopened condom. "Awwh, you didn't!" She gasps, cocking her head to the side in a way that Clarke can only describe as  _adorable as fuck_. "Why don't you take me out to dinner first, Griffin?" 

"Sorry," she smiles. "I'm only on a condom first basis," Clarke sighs. "But I guess I can make an acception for you." 

And then Lexa grins in a way that Clarke thinks is the best thing she's ever seen. 

* * *

_(One year later)_

Clarke laughs as Lexa, flustered and tired, attempts to order coffee for the both of them. She gives her girlfriend's hand a squeeze, watching as she ducks her head, placing it against the table. She mumbles something under her breath, and Clarke raises an eyebrow. "Hmm? What did you say, Lex?"

"I  _said_ , I was more smooth the day we talked for the first time." She mutters, blinking up at Clarke with tired cuteness. Clarke sputters out laughing, and nods. Aggressively. 

"You were. You said hi to the person who broke into your dorm." 

"Well, you looked really scared!" Lexa protests, flushing. "I didn't want to  _scare_ you, but you looked like you were about to have a heart attack or something.." she trails off, glancing away. "I was already super in love with you, so.." 

Clarke smiles. "I love you too, condom-giver Woods." 

"Don't call me that, Griffin," Lexa jabs a finger at her, smiling softly. "I think it's dumb. Like...that's how we met. That's what we tell people. Oh, how did you meet?" She scoffs. "Yeah, I put a condom in my now-girlfriend's dorm and she broke into my dorm, and" she makes a gesture with her hands. "Boom. Here we are." 

"We could make up some really romantic bullshit," Clarke offers. "Like, instead of condoms, they were roses." 

"That's not us, though," Lexa protests. "It's not Clexa without the condoms." 

"I mean," Clarke shrugs. "You're right. Anyways, I love you, my tired raccoon." 

"Love you too," Lexa sighs, tilting her head to the side and smiling. "I really do.

Clarke feels really happy, and can't help but grin at her girlfriend as she watches the tired girl smile.

Fuck. She's really, really in love. And it happened in the dumbest way. 

And hell, she doesn't even  _care_. 


End file.
